Well, it’s done. All that waiting I was doing back in the first post, it’s all done. The sale of the real estate finally went through. It still feels odd. I feel relieved, I feel a tiny bit empty, I feel a tiny bit lost, I feel joy that I don’t have to listen for my cell phone to ring saying the alarm went off. I feel guilty for feeling relief. I feel relief. I feel anger and I am scared at the debt we face. This is just compounded now thought because we are both without jobs and getting ready to send one of our kids to college. I have applied for work back in the operating room. He has 168 resumes out since March 16th. He’s had some interviews, many rejections, and a few things hopefully panning out in the next couple of weeks. We are hoping for options to sit and weigh out.

It’s like our life was on a table and someone came a long and threw it up in the air. We have been through similar circumstances. We’ve been through him losing a job and getting laid off before a couple of times. Companies are always downsizing or shifting sales forces around. This time with the shop and it closing and the loss within our household it’s such an upheaval. I am confident it will settle down and we will all feel whole again.

I really want to create again. I want to go sit at my bench and make some sterling silver bobbles or make some kind of cool chains or rings. I sat there the other day and ended up just fiddling around and mostly staring at all my things. I need a few tools to make something new that I have tried. That’s not an option. I can’t buy the tools. So, I decided to write. I tried looking up info on meta tags and how they help a blog. I couldn’t focus on that. I guess today isn’t the day for any of that stuff. Sometimes I just think my brain just can’t do it because it wants to do nothing. What do you think? Ever feel like your brain just needs a break, to breath I guess I’ve been distracted here as I write this. Robins in the rain outside. Itches in my ears. Music playing. Crinkling in my neck. When I feel this way it’s like my brain is fighting with itself. Want to focus, can’t focus.

In other renovations…I am managing to keep my fiddle leaf fig tree alive. I’ve had it for a few months now…got some brown spots and little dry on the edges of the leaves. I was told it would be easy to take care of, but the more I read about them the more I see they are finicky and infant like. Meanwhile my favorite jade is dropping pieces like it’s snowing. Houseplants are a fun little hobby. The green makes me happy.

And now I have to make dinner…which I am grateful for.