What happened today…the day was ok. I saw the bloodwork in my portal and went down a million rabbit holes as I do with anything. I was waiting for some responses from people at school, I got one, but not the one I was waiting for. Every celebration at work is with food that I can’t eat. Do you sense the annoyance in my tone. I left for the day…regular time. The day was fine I guess…I knew it was Wednesday, I knew I had an appointment later when I got home, however as soon as I walked through the door, the day and the appointment left my damn brain. I didn’t realize it until like almost two hours after…sigh, eye roll, disappointment with myself.
In other news, I played the piano and I can’t remember the last time I did that. I walk by it everyday, I touch it, I thank it for it’s presence. It was like a refreshing rain on a spring morning. I felt the notes go through my finger tips to my arms, right into my chest. Later after my shower and letting myself know how disappointed I was about the appointment I decided to go cut some lilacs to take to work for my desk. Check. And… here we are typing. Listening to Bastille again…I love their song Pompeii. I love how Dan changes the music. This particular song asks if we close our eyes does it seem like we have been here before…lol, sure does. Sometimes every fucking day. Especially the past three years. The other line is about how we could be optimistic about the situation. Then it asks if should start in the rubble or our sin…I am trying to let the day go and have hope for tomorrow. Again, not a bad day, just done with it.
The thing is that the days are flawed no matter how we look at them. If we choose to move past the things we find irritating or disheartening do we miss things? We miss the opportunity to be grateful for the challenges. We miss the opportunity the share or ask for help. We miss a lot. So, I will sit with my heating pad tonight and just be, just let the thoughts ebb and flow as if it were a tide washing up on a sandy beach and back out into the abyss of the wide ocean. I will rest my head and my body to recharge for whatever adventures tomorrow might bring. I am however looking forward to the summer off, so much so that I might make a paper chain tomorrow, I just need my dogs and my yard and quiet.
You know when there will be “no more bad days”…yep. So take it all in, todays renovations are brought to you by gratitude no matter how hard or small it may be or feel, find it.