It’s only Monday and I was going to start this off by saying I was rewarded with an epiphany this week but it dawned on me before typing that would be all wrong. I think the epiphany was over the weekend. I cannot recall…nothing new there. So, I saw this post or blog or something…”you’re problem isn’t motivation, it’s discipline.” It was like a freaking slap in the face, similar to the one Sunday night at the awards that the whole world witnessed. I sat there and let it sink in. What the fuck is wrong with me, I was shouting at myself inside my head. The statement was dead on. I want to get on the nordic track, I want to do a cardio work out, I want to hang pictures on the wall. Hahaha, we painted last year? I never hung the pictures back up in the living room. Yeah…I need to do a little work everywhere. So, back to the point. I want to do things…I want to get back on track with my eating sooooo bad. The discipline is the issue. Right now I am thinking I need to go and do a little research on discipline and then cite my sources because that is literally all the typing I have been doing. If you look up the meaning it references practice. For the love of God, I should have known it was one of those practice things. Jeesh. Okay so if I do a quick search it mentions knowing your strengths and weaknesses, remove temptations, set goals, practice daily, create new rituals. Abort, overload…did you hear the explosion? It was all inherently my problem. I was mad, I felt duped. This whole time I thought I wasn’t motivated to hang up a picture, or go workout, or not eat the carbs. Ha, well the universe had me fooled. Well guess what mother fucker, I am finding the discipline I had waaay back somewhere else and bringing it back to myself. I cannot go back to the way I was. I need to keep moving forward and in a positive direction with my health and weight. I make excuses like oh it’s the holiday, oh it’s my birthday, oh it’s friday, oh it’s the weekend, oh I will only have one bite. None of that is acceptable. If I want change I have to be my own soldier for it. I have to create it. The only way that will happen is if I make it happen. Discipline is simple, it comes from another word…choice. Whaaatt…can we get an amen for that? Yeah, okay, so for real though, C.H.O.I.C.E. Ugh, why can’t we just eat cake and be thin and healthy? Whhhhyyy? Ok, so now that we played with words and the dictionary we can move on to the real work…Today I tried and I am here to commend myself. I need to get back to the roots of one meal a day. Today was day one. I fasted until dinner, I ate a keto dinner and no fucking junk. I need to get control of whatever is in my brain telling me that I am not worthy of this change that I so strongly desire. What order should these terms go in? Discipline, choice, thoughts…I have no idea, I feel as though the order could change. I’ll tell you this, you matter, you are worthy of the hard work. You can do the hard work, why, because you have done it before!
Words of wisdom for this revisited renovation? Haha, yeah….don’t beat yourself up, pick yourself up. Move forward. Don’t make excuses, be devoted to your choices. Be devoted to the discipline. Be devoted to yourself.