Well, I read my last post and did some edits, just typos mostly. I am famous for typos. I read it and I heard some passion in my voice. For the past couple days I haven’t had any passion. I haven’t slept well, I couldn’t put into my cardio work out like I wanted to, frankly I didn’t even want to do it. Since I last wrote I’ve been researching like crazy, usually every time I open my laptop. I’ve found some good stuff, some stuff to motivate me.
What is hunger? Since my last post I have lost 10 pounds. Since the end of May I have completely changed how and what I eat. Not that I ate bad before…but overindulgence in things and stress played a roll in my eating. It was a semi bad relationship with food, even though I loved it. For a few years I had been cutting back on carbs like bread and pasta. I wasn’t able to eat those things without getting sick. So I cut out gluten mostly but by default it was carbs. Today there is only fruits and vegetables (no potatoes) and water or black tea. Only a few complex carbs make it in. There is always some for of protein as well. I found a group called Eat Like a Bear that is amazing. So between this group and the support and recipes and the support of my family I can do this. I know I need my own support form me too. I got an email this morning from the group leader and it was about “fighting the doughnut”…ain’t that the truth. She also mentioned setting a weight loss goal and to make it big and to picture yourself that way. What..wait, I am still fighting the doughnut though so I have to set a goal. My husband asked me about this the other day as well. My response was that I didn’t want to over calculate and disappoint myself. I didn’t want to under calculate either and not loose enough to show the doctor I was serious about not being on meds. Here i sit typing yet to have set a goal. I am thinking I want to set it overall to 100 pounds. I would like to loose 100 pounds in one year. It’s totally doable. This will require bootstraps and a lot of pulling them I think. In the end it’s all a game with your brain right? What about my goal of weight loss when I see the doctor again in July…hmmmm could it be 25 pounds? It could…could it be more…I’d like it to be.
Meals and deals with myself are weird and fun. My breakfast consists of raspberries and almonds and hard boiled eggs maybe some ham. Not very big or fancy. I did manage to find a fat burning breakfast cookie recipe that is good with almond butter on it. This week I am thinking about changing it up next week and not having breakfast, or making it really small. The medicine doesn’t always let me feel good or myself. We’ll see…I am keeping my metabolism on its toes. Keep it guessing so it doesn’t get stagnant. I know some people have cheat days and I started this with the fact that cheating wasn’t an option for me. I need change and want off the meds. I did not want to deprive myself though, the doctor told me I could have wine within reason and or a cookie here and there. I have saved up my calories on a few occasions because I love popcorn. I will also as any normal person have a chocolate craving. So, I let myself have 5-10 chocolate chips once in a while. The other day it was more like 20, but that was not a defeat, I look at it as not having had them for about a week…
The renovations continue. It’s challenging, it’s frustrating, it’s annoying, it’s nothing that can’t be fixed and it could always be worse. So there is a silver lining in there somewhere. Today is my fasting day. All this chat about food wasn’t easy. This is my second time fasting for 24 hours. The last time I did juice and water and tea. I had more energy and felt better than when I eat food. Odd right? Today I feel better than if I ate food. Buuuuuttt….I am hungry. I’m not going to lie, I want a piece of lorraine swiss cheese so bad. What happens when this happens…well, my sone made some fancy quesadillas while I was out on the patio with the dogs. I came into a dirty counter. On this dirty counter lied a piece of bacon. I kept saying to myself- “no food will pass these lips today”. I said that the last time. I don’t find it comforting or anything, it’s just a fact and a statement about myself. Sometimes you have to give yourself that tough love that you like to give other people. No one likes it, but it will be ok.