Surely you remember that song by Crowded House? Those were such great musical years…I urge you to go back and listen to the lyrics. Since I last posted there has been grave injustices in the United States. I do not want to talk about them here, but I must say I feel an immense need for change in this country the divide is getting bigger and this is not how America should be. My biggest hope is for peace and justice.
My last post included some chit chat about motivation. This past week I received some some less than desirable news from my doctor about my glucose level. I would have to be put on an oral medication (x’s2) and if you’ve read a post from way back you will know that I am not a fan of putting pills in my body. I really try to keep it natural, although lately I was thinking I might be a hypocrite because I will put a Reese’s BIG cup in my mouth without even thinking about it…I digress all the time. So, I said to the doctor…are you diagnosing me with something here??? He looked at me like I was 5. “Yes I am”. My mouth dropped. I saw things flying past me like cake and cookies and ice cream…My jaw must have hit the floor. My head hurt, I couldn’t breathe, I was hot. It didn’t help that I was wearing a face mask and have the hormonal shift going on too…can we cut a girl some slack here? So, I listened and left and cried. Then I started doing research…I am just right over the edge of normal, I can change this. He couldn’t stress enough that I need to lose weight. Yeah, thanks, I knew that, but maybe I needed to hear it from some man under his mask being all serious and telling me I can do it. Kudos to the nurse, she could tell I was shitting bricks on the table. She gave me so many kind words, “you got this, it’s a blip on the radar, not a life sentence”
Renovations on life have begun. This is probably the biggest renovation I’ve ever done. This means getting back on the cardio bandwagon I fell off of a few weeks ago when we got a new dog. This means planning meals and buying ZERO junk. I have two teenagers, how long can I go before I have to buy cheese it’s again? I love cheese it’s, with some peanuts. Oh god. I’ve been eating berries by the boat load and avocados left and right. I am kind of combining keto and low carb high fat and some general diabetic rules with intermittent fasting. One day a week I will attempt to do a water and juice fast. That’s coming up this week. I have learned to be hungry. It’s been two weeks since I saw the doctor. I have probably lost 5 pounds. The medicine upsets your stomach too and you might spend some extra time in the bathroom. Are you kidding me? I looked right at him…So over the past two weeks I have beat myself up with words like- you did this to yourself, why did you et that you weren’t hungry, you are what you eat…Mostly I did this to myself. Today I felt like that was hurtful. This is quite an emotional roller coaster. I have to take it in baby steps because it is making me emotional. I asked a friend about it, I said, “Did it make you angry?” “Does it still make you angry?” He confirmed with a resounding YES. Then mentioned how he wanted pizza one day and went and pouted in his room for the evening.
What have I learned over the past two weeks…to be hungry. If you want something it’s going to be painful achieving it. Physical or mental pain, it’s all inevitable if you want to achieve a goal. I haven’t set a goal yet other than to lose weight by the time of my next doctor appointment in July. I have learned to be hungry a lot of the time. It’s making my body work. It’s damn annoying but there is always lemon water and iced black tea for a quick fill up. How am I keeping up with all this? I have two apps that I log my meals and exercise in everyday. If I forget I get reminders at night. I have to change my thoughts on food. I have to renovate my feelings on or with food. For my whole life I have used food to assist me in my feelings. I cannot do that anymore so I have decided not to have feelings. Ahahaha….kidding. Really though, I am not morbidly obese, I am an average person, but categorically I would be obese. I had two kids and never lost the weight. So I have only myself to be accountable.
Hunger makes you think. I recall an old Donahue show, (god I miss that man’s show!) there were two women who lost a TON of weight. I mean they lost entire people with their weight loss journey. The one thing that always resonated with me was that they said they knew in their heads what they should be eating but sometimes our brains over take us. The one big takeaway…learn to be hungry. It’s ok to be hungry. I am learning…It’s ok to be hungry. I suppose like anything else in life all the renovation will get easier with time but for now it’s hard, I am angry at me, and I want to go pout for a while. So I came here instead to do something productive. Since I cannot find anything to satisfy my creative mind and hands at the moment.
So, let’s renovate the hell out of this….
Be well, stay true, be a voice of change, VOTE.