One of my favorite sayings it the title. I am working on something. Something that scares me, something that gives me anxiety. Yet in the same breath I am so excited for it and so passionate about. I have to have it done by March first. I am making a presentation to the principal at the school I work in to create something. This is so different and it doesn’t exist anywhere in any of our schools or even in this area in other schools. I have researched it and it does exist in other schools in other states. I am a very quiet keep to myself kind of person, but I still want to help people. I want to teach people that they do not have to go through life feeling stress or burned out and drowning in anxiety. So today I had sometime I was going to sit and work on my google slide presentation and add some music to it. I began listening to the music and giving it life within the slides, trying to figure out which song would work best. Which notes felt like the slides, which notes would make the listener feel positive feelings about what I was presenting. First I listened to Agnes Obel and thought maybe her September song would be good. My ears filled with notes and tones and sometimes the piano just seems to massage my ear drums. Then I went to Chad Lawson who’s music I simply adore. Mental health is important to him so I feel a connection there. I scrolled through the slides listening to the hammers strike the cords into beautiful melodies. For a second I thought what am I doing? Why do I want to present this? I let doubt creep in and questioned my ability. Which led me here. I come to sort my thoughts and get back on track sometimes. Today I feel very raw and open. I am not sure where its coming from or why. I feel vulnerable to feeling. Tears well up for no reason. I try to choke them back. Sometimes I just look around my home and I am so grateful for what I have and what surrounds me I cry. I suppose it could all be hormones too, hahahha. Ya never know. I originally wanted to do this presentation in February. I ended up picking the date 3/1/23. I can only hope that is a lucky day for me. I have never gone out on a limb like this before but sitting here thinking about it I get the waves of anxiety in my belly. My hyper competitiveness always gets the better of me. The worst they can say is no, and then I still have my job. But in the fall of 2023 I will be getting my BA in psychology. I will then pursue my master’s to become a LMHC. I want more for myself than paper pushing and answering the phone. However that also scares me too. But I haven’t gotten to the root of why. I suppose it’s change, but it seems to be change I would like and I am aiming for. So I go to iTunes and think Hilary Stagg. His music is amazing and his story is tragic. Died to young, we needed to hear more of his music. I might go with that. This presentation is create a Zen Den within our high school. I want to create it an run it. A place for students and staff to be able to hit a reset button during the day. A place to learn about tools to keep with them in times of stress or anxiety that they can go back and reference. Tools the teachers could share with their students if they seem them struggling. A place for student to come for 10 minuets to regroup so they can make it through the day instead of going home. I place of calm, quiet and respite. Why do we let self doubt creep in? Let’s try to do better together with this…I need to have more practice. I know my ideas for this space would blow it out of the park and I know I could do it and make it amazing. Yet somehow there is a little voice, or a big voice, depending on the day that suggests otherwise. These are the days when I wish I lived near the ocean to clear my head. So, I listen to the waves, I put my feet in the sand in my mind. I feel the ocean air on my face and I smell the saltiness all around me.